Quit It Dad, You're Embarrassing Me!

Lee Strobel is someone I owe a lot to in my walk with Christ. A few years ago I had walked away from the faith and one of the big reasons for that, was because I couldn’t articulate my faith. When I tried to share the Gospel with people I had no idea how to answer the many questions presented to me and partly because of this, became embarrassed to be a Christian. When I was 27 I had moved back in with my father and stepmother to pick up the pieces of a broken life (long story). They knew nothing about apologetics and couldn’t answer my questions, but they had just so happened to had bought a copy of Lee’s Case For Christ on DVD and suggested that I watch it. I plugged it in one night and was shocked with what I saw; Christians who were not only smart, but could reason for belief in God and  Christ. I didn’t know that people like this existed. After watching this, The Case For Christ left me with no excuse on the logical side of things, it was time to roll up my sleeves and start learning reasons for the hope within, which led to me picking up my walk with Christ where I had left off. None of this would of happened if it wasn’t for Lee and the people he tapped to put it all together (and a little Divine Providence of course).

By the sounds of the first paragraph you would think this is a praise article for Lee Stroble, but it’s not (I just wanted to take the oppurtunity to say how much I appreciate him so that you don’t think I have some kind of a grudge against him). Instead it is about something else Lee introduced me too via his Twitter account; the ‘Back To Church’ rap video: 

 Lee asked “in five words or less what we thought” and not wanting to be overly judgemental I replied “not very effective, but hilarious”. It is pretty funny, but in a “I feel embarrassed for you” kind of way. Like those American Idol participants who think they can sing but are just terrible kind of funny. The real problem is I am not sure if this is meant to be a joke, or is actually a serious attempt to get posteriors back in the pews. 

If getting someone (I’m assuming the youth) to come back to Jesus is their motive, then there has to be better ways then this. Honestly, I’m thirty, and I grew up when rap was called rap (not hip-hop). Back when Will Smith’s Parents just didn’t understand and LL Cool J’s Mom wanted him to put a beatdown on someone who was picking on him. Those songs were once hits, but now are as dated as the word ‘whack’ (Mama Said Knock You Out has stood the test of time, but only the hook, not the rhymes).

It reminds me of a Mom or Dad trying to relate to their kid and things start to get awkward. Of good intentions, mixed with the right attitude, but all in all, really kind of embarrassing. If anything, it serves to highlight the gap between the youth and the church, and serve as a what-not-to-do to bring a dwindling attention span of a generation, that like us when we were kids, thinks that anything our parents wanted us to do was lame (including going to Church).

Maybe I’m being too hard on the people who made this video; they are trying hard to relate to the youth in a world that has either forgotten Jesus or dosen’t care what He did for them. One of the big problems is that kids care what other kids think of them and this video isn’t helping to make it ‘cool’ to go to church.

How can we make it cool to go to church? Well church is never going to be ‘cool’ because it is against the world and the only way to be cool is to be part of the world, but we can make people proud to be a member of the body. The key is in our members, not the ones who grew up with Jesus, but the ones who came to believe in Jesus later in life; those of us who come from the world.

What I am talking about is the testimony of us who walked through the valley of the shadow of death and into Christ’s arms. The testimony of those who make you proud to be a Christian, the ones who judgemental Christians look down their nose at. The former gang banger, ex-cons, people who had the miraculous bring them to belief, the missionaries who are unafraid to look death in the face as they spread to Gospel to the ends of the earth and stories of the persecuted. Forget celebrity believers, show them that people have given up everything to follow Jesus. Nothing beats uninterested like interesting, unbelief like unshakable or cold like on-fire.

In short, I’m trying to come down to hard on the makers of this video. Their intentions were good and their hearts are in the project and I don’t want to be Captain Negativity, but this is not the way to go, this is not the way to reach out. You want to make a serious run at bringing people back to Jesus, then you remind them what they left; what they were a part of; the Body Of Christ. 

I leave you with this rap video (It has a little more impact):

Is Christianity a Killjoy?

One of the big reasons that people have a problem becoming a Christian is that they think being a Christian isn't any fun. You can't sleep in on Sunday, you have to practice self-control to the righteous degree, essentially, you have to stay on the narrow path. The party is over on the broad path, which as far as options go, seems a whole lot easier and a whole lot more exciting. But is it really?

On the broad path you can really just 'enjoy' life in the Hedonistic sense. Drinking as much as you want, when you want. Sex with no strings attached. You want to get high? Sure, just pick your poison. Someone crosses you the wrong way, hey, punch him in the face (he had it coming anyway). Foul language makes you cool. Who cares if you're lying, you're getting ahead right? Ladies, you wanna find that dream guy, wear next to nothing, that's sure to attract the right types. Feeling blue? Go buy something new, like a car, or clothes, or anything that makes you feel better about being you. Who cares if most of the people around the world are hungry. Of course I could just keep going on, but I think I made my point.

I have to tell you, I lived a life of sin that I'm sure made Satan proud (or at least sure of his ownership of my soul). My favourite sins were fighting, fornicating, boozing and drugging. I thought I would miss these sins and truth be told, sometimes I do (no sex before marriage as a 30 year old male is tough and as someone who liked to solve his problems by punching them, trying to remain peaceful is almost just as hard). As time goes on though I realize more and more that sin (including my favourites) weren't really fun, they only appeared to be, and the longer I go without them, the more convinced of this I become.

Here are a few reflections on my old favourite pass-times:

As a former doorman (bouncer) I wish I could forget how many people I have had to take out of the club holding their face together from having it slashed with a broken bottle, or how many ambulances I've called because some guy (minding his own business) got lit up in the alley, or brawls I have broken up that ended with one or more close to death. The club is nothing but a little mini war zone on a ceasefire that can really go off in a big way at any moment (especially cheap draft night). Try working at a bar and see in six months how you feel about the bar scene. 

There is also the red-light aspect of the club scene. Guys and girls all dressed up, showing what they got, trying to be a front-runner in that all night meat-market. Ladies, let me tell you now, you are not going to find the kind of guy you want to take home to your parents at a bar. Fellas; ditto. One of the scariest things that  women have to watch out for is the ridiculous amount of perverts who have no problem dropping something in your drink and then offering you a ride home. Scary stuff. Of course rape isn't the only horrible thing that can happen in the pursuit of lusts. Everyone likes attention, and after a few drinks lay waste to your inhibitions, that person at the end of the bar giving up the bedroom eyes starts to look pretty inviting. Next thing you know, the two of you are in bed together. Sure they make condoms, but let me tell you, enough drinks in you coupled with a little foreplay and suddenly not having a condom isn't such a big deal. With almost 54 million abortions and a populace with INSANE rates of STI's, I think this fact is pretty much undisputed. There is nothing like an STI to turn your world upside down.

So how about drugs? They're pretty fun right? I mean a little weed never hurt anyone did it? I concede there are worse things, but as someone who finally managed to give up smoking dope (for about 8 years almost everyday) I can tell you personally that I was wasting my life on the pot. It makes it OK to be bored and after years of abusing it, it will change you.

But pot is not the big one, see I don't believe that weed is even a gateway drug, I believe booze is the gateway drug (although these days people seem to be skipping right to the big leagues). Once you start clubbing it won't be before too long that you will run into someone who will want you to do some blow (cocaine) with them. I tried coke once (for four years). I went from recreational user, to full blown addict in a matter of months. I got into working for the guys who were dealing it, it got pretty ugly. But coke isn't even the worse of the bunch. The thing about hard drugs is that once you start doing them you always need to up your high, so you move onto things like crack or heroin or meth. I have lost count how many people I know who have lost their lives, both literally and figuratively because they took that next step. By the grace of God I never did take that step, and by no means do I look down on those who have. It breaks my heart to see someone going down that road, and it's a monster that most people never can shake. So sad, but they didn't start out as addicts and were normal once. Trying drugs is a lot like playing an extended game of Russian roulette, putting more bullets in the chamber with each spin.

Then of course there is the booze. Like I said earlier, I think that booze is the real gateway drug into the hard stuff, with the way it lowers your good sense to the level of non-existent. Have you ever heard the old saying 'for one douchebag just add alcohol'? Guys I can't stress this enough, I have spoke to thousands of drunk people working the door, you are not funny, articulate, interesting or wise. You are annoying. At the start of the night everyone is great to be around, but once you get past 11 that's when Mr./ Mrs. Hyde comes out to play. Also, we can't forget about alcoholism. Sure you see extreme cases on TV shows like Intervention, and we all sit there shaking our heads. But it truly is the pot calling the kettle black, as most people have some mild functional form of alcoholism. Usually starts with going out once a weekend drinking, then Friday and Saturday, then of course maybe a Wednesday or a Thursdays gets thrown in there and before we know it we can't go to any kind of social function unless there is booze. Me, I was a drunk, and I don't miss it one bit.  

Someone might say that living dangerously is part of the fun and I think to a certain extent that's correct. We as humans crave excitement, but that excitement is short lived and really only prima facie. You have to constantly keep upping the anti and the only limit is consequence. Maybe these things pump your gas, they did for me for the longest time, then they too became boring, unsatisfying and ultimately detrimental. Most of the 'friends' I met became life long drinking buddies, but nothing more. The women came and went, no love, just lust and I have destroyed my nasal cavity from all the cocaine I did. I am physically scarred from being hit with beer bottles, mentally scarred from being brutally jumped by over thirty people (I had boot marks from my head to my feet) and have broken my hand so many times that I loath rainy days for the pains of arthritis. These things which seemed fun in my teens and twenties really came with some serious consequences when I got older. I don't think most would heed my warning. I think most have to go out and get a taste for themselves, like the prodigal son. But more times than we like to admit, the son never returns. That's the sad reality of life and whether we like it or not, it is reality.

Now that I've reflected on the demons of my past, how about the angels of my present?

Well, for one thing, I found a church that I honestly look forward to going to every Sunday. The music is awesome, the people are great and I leave feeling energized for the week ahead of me. I never thought I would say this, but I like church. They are not used to seeing a guy like me (big, tattooed and scared) so everyone wants to talk to me about how I became a Christian, I guess they find me interesting. I get invited to dinners and Bible studies (don't roll your eyes, these things are fun too). I have to be honest, I have never felt more accepted and loved and when I'm feeling down, people are really there for me, even just to lend an ear. I like that. 

I have also found that since I don't do the party thing any more that I have time to pursue my life's passions. I have time to read the books I want to read, I get to the gym regularly, my health has improved ten-fold, I have hobbies now. I have friends that aren't part-time, but full-time. They just like me for me and I am very grateful for this. My pastor calls me up to go for coffee's, my apologetics group meets up a couple of times a month and we stay in touch in between. There is also more women then men in church, so I'm pretty excited that I might be able to find a best friend and partner (sure beats the strippers I was dating before). It really is an exciting time in my life.

So is Christianity any fun? I think it is. It is a huge change in lifestyle, but once you make some big changes and look back, you can't help but conclude that it was for the best. The only time I have ever felt truly happy is when I have been walking the Christian path. You might think Christianity equals boring, but in all honesty it has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my 30 years on this planet. Give it a try, you might find it's not so bad too.

Bring Bill's Beard Back!

It's been a while since the time of the beard. Not since the days of antiquity and "the philosopher's beard" has a philosopher pulled off one as magnificent as the one William Lane Craig had. He looked fierce with the fuzz and gave atheists such as Frank Zindler and Peter Atkins a taste of what it was like to cross the beard of Bill. Now I'm not saying "Baby-faced Bill" somehow lacks the tenacity of "Bill with a beard," but it does kind of feel like the Moral Argument is missing it's second premise if you know what I mean. So this an official petition to "Bring Bill's Beard Back". We're not asking for much, just to grow it out for a little while so that before you go to be with our Lord (which of course we pray is many, many years from now) us fans of the beard can have an everlasting image of the Chuck Norris of philosophy. Please send this around and help raise awareness to Bring Bill's Beard Back!

Incoherence of Theism

My biggest issue with the group of arguments known as the Incoherence of Theism is that they only ever take one attribute at a time into consideration, a sort of divide and conquer approach. Take the woeful omnipotence paradox for example, "could God create a stone so heavy that He could not lift it", or "could God make a square circle". The typical response is to define omnipotence in such a way as God cannot do what is logically impossible and herein lies the problem.

When omnipotence is defined in this way it feels like something is lacking and so I would say something like this: God cannot do what is logically impossible, because God is not only omnipotent, but also omniscient and therefore cannot make nonsense (omniscience is incapable of faulty logic). The only boundaries God has are those in which His own nature imposes on Him. Each property of God is much easier to make look paradoxical if you don't include the other properties.

In Christ

P.L.

The Problem of Evel... Knievel

I took this from a magazine article that I found in my attic, as I was going through my Evel Knievel memorabilia, which was amazing because I just tweeted how I was wondering what Evel Knievel's thoughts were on the Argument from Evil!

From Daredevil Magazine Issue 777:

As many of you know, Evel Knievel (born Robert Craig Knievel) is perhaps the world's most famous motorcycle daredevil. With such famous stunts as jumping 13 buses at Wembley Stadium in front of 90000 people or the Snake River Canyon attempt which almost cost him his life, Evel Knievel became a household name during the sixties and on into the early nineties with millions of fans and millions of dollars in endorsements. Risking both life and limb to put food on his families table, even if there were easier ways to go about it, Knievel paid dearly amassing 37 broken bones, 14 major surgeries (including screws, pins and bone replacement surgery) and spent more than half of the years 1966- 1973 either in a hospital, in a wheelchair, or on crutches. This gave Evel a lot of time to think and ponder the biggest questions in life and it was here that he would find his true calling, not jumping vehicles, but jumping premises and argumentation.

In the summer of 1968, upon being hospitalized after attempting to jump 6 Ford Pintos and a cow went horribly wrong (the cow moved) and having to have part of his spleen removed, Evel had a lot of time on his hands. "I was bored silly!" he tells Daredevil Magazine, "One day I asked frank, a long-time friend of mine, if he could bring me something to read. Not being one with a penchant for remembering things, my request had slipped Frank's mind entirely until he was on his way to visit me. Now in a rush to find something I could read, he opened his son's book-bag (who was in college at the time) and grabbed the first book he found, it was from his "Introductory to Philosophy" course. He figured his son didn't need it and when he handed it to me I didn't know what to say. I was expecting a magazine or something; what the heck was I going to do with a philosophy textbook?!" laughing as he shook his head, "After Frank left I kind of stared at it with one eyebrow cocked towards the ceiling, but wouldn't you know it? Curiosity got the best of me and I began to thumb through it. That was it for me. I was hooked!"

Knievel then spent all his down time buried in the books, thumbing through philosophy journals until the wee hours of the morning, sneaking into university classes in what city he happened to be in; philosophy was consuming his life. "I started getting in accidents on purpose just so I could spend more time philosophizing. I couldn't stop!" With a name like Evel, one shouldn't be surprised that he had come to form of atheism, "yeah after reading guys like Bertrand Russell and Nietzsche I decided that naturalism was the life for me! Plus, it totally went with the name. Philosophy of Religion had become a speciality for me and let me tell you, I was good."

In 1972 Evel published a philosophical masterpiece under the pseudonym Ken Evel where he formulated perhaps the most daring version of the Logical Problem of Evil ever witnessed in the history of philosophy. Not only was it logically air tight, but the premises would defend themselves when you tried to refute them. Evel says, "Jumping all those buses, cars and whatnot paled in comparison to the adrenaline I got when I first penned this argument. It was so strong that my pen literally exploded when I finished placing the last period. Thankfully I wasn't on a typewriter or that really could have been messy!" (I would type it here to show you it but I am on a computer and I'm no Evel Knievel, so I am not willing to take the risk) Theists didn't know what to do, or what to make of it, Evel Knievel thought he had won Philosophy of Religion.

But then in 1975, a young philosopher out of Calvin College by the name of Alvin Plantinga dared to take the challenge, "Yeah, Plantinga man, I thought I had it, but here comes this guy with his "possible worlds" and "feasible worlds" and the whole "Free Will Defence". I really didn't like him very much." What he is talking about is Plantinga's Free Will Defence against the Logical Problem of Evil which rendered it not so much a problem, logically speaking. Sure evil existed, but it didn't mean that God couldn't exist along with it. Keneviel was crushed, "He really challenged my worldview once I started to really think about it. My atheism was centred around my belief that God and Evil couldn't logically exist together. Even once I reformulated it to the more difficult Probabilistic Problem of Evil I still couldn't get it so that God and evil couldn't logically co-exist. I was frustrated."

Ken evil (the philosopher) went into a philosophical closet for many years, "I went back to jumping motorcycles, what else was I going to do? It was the only life I figured I knew how to live. Sure lot's of guys still defend the Problem of Evil, but it's really no use. Scientists have even figured out that only highly evolved primates experience pain like we do. The problem just keeps getting smaller and smaller."

Years went by and fame, fortune, surgeries and addiction had taken it's toll on Evel Knievel, he begun to soften on his atheist stance, "I began to feel like there was something more out there, something bigger than me, bigger than you, bigger than all of us. I couldn't explain it, I still can't, but I just knew it in my heart." Knievel began to search out this feeling he had, he even began to pray asking for guidance in his search, hoping that Something or Someone was listening. After years of searching, his prayers were finally answered, "it just all made sense one day, just kind of clicked. I realized that arguments weren't the way to go and that subjective evidence was evidence and if I could experience God, then I would know He was real, even if I couldn't explain it in a way that everyone else could understand. I looked into the major religions and found that this was what Christianity talked about and so I followed what it said about searching and BAM; I gave my heart to Jesus Christ. It consumed me to the point where I was all like, 'give me that plow, I have some seeds to sow!'"

On 2007 Evel Knievel appeared on Hour of Power and was baptised in front of millions. His testimony went on to cause a mass of baptisms in the name of Christ.

To everyone's shock in the philosophical the once infamous Ken Evil came out of his philosophical closet to give the Problem of Evil one last formulation, but this time with a twist, "I realized that the problem of evil wasn't just a problem for the theists, but for the atheists as well. If there was no absolute basis for good and evil then evil is just relative and therefore doesn't actually exist, but it does exist! My pen didn't explode this time, because I using a computer, luckily that didn't explode either, but still, I have high hopes for this argument." Shortly after this interview Robert Craig "Evel" Knievel passed away, one can only think that his life, which would eventually serve to bring thousands to Christ, was meant just for that. God Bless you Mr. Knievel.

Scott Hamilton: I Am Second

I have watched a few of these videos, but none of them have brought tears to my eyes like that of Scott Hamilton's testimony. What a powerful story; please, watch it if you haven't already.

http://www.iamsecond.com/seconds/scott-hamilton/

Argument For Theistic Evolution

I'm not sure if someone has done something similar to this (only better) to argue for Theistic  Evolution, but this is a rough draft of my argument, not only for Theistic Evolution, but for the coherence of God's existence and the existence of the Evolutionary Theory. If asked to define Theistic Evolution it would be a process decided on by God before the creation of the universe for developing life which would bring around beings in His own image. In other words, evolution is a tool used by God for bringing us about.

I would also like to say that I am not at all opposed to the Intelligent Design theory in regards to the origin of life. I find it probable that in order to bring organic from non-organic, that it would take the intervention of God to do so. With that said, I also find it probable that an omniscient Being could create a universe that would bring about the organic from the inorganic. So if asked which side of the fence I stand on in regards to Intelligent Design and life coming about naturally, I would say "I'm neither, I'm 50/50." I am not, however, going to place all my chips on that one hand, as I see how it is completely coherent (given an omniscient, omnipotent being) that God could have created a universe that did just that. This argument, which can be construed as an argument against Intelligent Design in the biological sense, is geared more towards Young Earth and Old Earth Creationism.

I will be reworking this as I think more about it. Here is a rough version I came up with at the gym the other day (no better time to think than when I'm lifting weights):

1) God is omniscient, omnipotent, morally perfect and has given mankind freedom of the will.
2) If God is omniscient, then He knew that mankind would be curious and probe deeply the natural world.
3) If God has given mankind freewill, then He would not make it so compelling a case of His existence, that through this exploration of the natural world, mankind would forced to conclude that God exists.
4) If God is omnipotent then He could create a universe which would bring about intelligent life.
5) If God is omnipotent then He could have created this universe with all the built-in appearances of age in six literal days.
6) If God is the morally perfect then He is incapable of deception, to create a universe with the appearance of age would be to deceive His creation.
7) According to modern Cosmology the universe appears to be much older then 6000-20000 years of age, around 13.7 billion years.
8) According to modern Biology, life appears to have evolved from a starting point of 3.8 billion years ago.
9) Therefore, if God is omniscient, omnipotent, morally perfect and has given mankind freedom of the will then it doesn't appear this way, it actually happened this way, which is within the scope of an omniscient, omnipotent Being.

Hear me Lord

Hear me Lord, Creator God
King of me, not just a thought.
Take me please, far away
Where Abraham and Isaac stay
For here I sin, and I fall short,
for I am weak, the dying sort.
Once I stood, new life inside,
with my heart, accepting Christ.
But soon after meeting Him,
turned my back, went back to sin.
Found I had a God sized hole
conviction deep within my soul.
Wishing you could close your eyes,
dreaming you had ears to hide,
begging you to turn your head,
remembered you could not forget,
That's thing about omniscience,
and to my shame, omnipresence.
For you remember all my sin
lack of faith, demons within
Lust, and greed, and dirty lies,
anger, hate, I could not hide.
Dirty now, a shallow man
grabbing hold the plough again,
and there you were, to my surprise
you never left, still by my side.

I'm thankful for your Grace to man
Seven, times seven, times seven, times seventy-seven.
Most of all, thank you for Him
The one we call the Son of Man.
For without Him, His precious blood,
Hades gates would be my lot.
So hear me Lord, Creator God
King of me, not just a thought.
Give me strength, to live life free
to live in love, not iniquity

Priestly Rhymes

I saw this video on YouTube; a little bit of light in the darkness. I am enjoying the rash of spoken word poems for God: 

The NEW Argument From Fine-Tuning: Irrefutable

Arguments from fine-tuning are all the rage these days and I would like to give you my very own version of one of these arguments. It goes like this.

1. If E then A
2. If A then D
3. If D then G
4. If G then B
5. If B then E
6. If E, A, D, G, B, E, then ST (standard tuning)
7. Therefore, standard tuning.

Now I know that premises 1, 4 and 5 are controversial when it comes to the tuning of the constant. Everyone uses this tuning, you can't write any new stuff because it's all been written, blah, blah, blah (technical talk by the way). So please allow me to refine the argument:

1. If D then A
2. If A then D
3. If D then G
4. If G then A
5. If A then D
6. If D, A, D, G, A, D then DT (dadgad tuning)
7. Therefore, dadgad tuning.

Note how I revised premises 1, 4 and five by dropping a whole step and thus improving the overall soundness of the argument. I think that any true seeker of fine-tuning will agree with me that this is irrefutably the most sound fine-tuning and thus making this the most sound fine-tuning argument in all of history. You can thank me later.

In Christ

P.L.

Mind: Languages Are Dying Around the World

As time goes on and the world becomes smaller and smaller (figuratively), native languages are becoming a thing of the past. Here is an interesting article I was reading about one of these languages. It doesn't even have an alphabet!

Read Here

An Experience With The Divine

          In my life I have had two experiences that completely changed my outlook on everything. Both of these two experiences started as dreams, and both (I am sure) would leave anyone who experienced them to either (in regards to the first experience) entertain the idea of destiny, or the notion of omniscience, and (in regards to the second experience) accept the reality of Jesus Christ as Lord of all.  It is the first of these two experiences that I wish to talk about in this post, and I will warn you that there is talk of drugs and sex, so if you have any issues with either of these topics being mentioned, please refrain from reading (although in accordance with human nature you probably won't be able to stop now).

           Everyone has dreams, OK, almost everyone dreams (I've heard people claim to never dream) and when I say dream, I mean dream as in images experienced during sleep, not hard to obtain goals or lofty ambitions. A lot of people I talk to tell me that upon waking up they often forget what they had dreamt, usually only managing to retain sparse images or, in the case of  nightmares: the most frightening ones. I'm no different. Sometimes I retain what I "saw", but for the most part it is gone only a few hours after having started my day. Then there are reoccurring dreams, which are just like regular dreams, except that they happen over and over again, The repetition makes it easier to recall the details, and even to recognise it as it is happening, that you had dreamt it previously. Maybe you have had reoccurring dreams in your life, maybe not, but I am sure you know someone who has. It is a reoccurring I had that this first experience is about.

           When I really think about it, I have some pretty vivid memories that reach back into the beginnings my childhood. I can remember when my sister was a baby (I would have been about three) and I would sneak out of my room and sit in the hallway so I could watch television because it was past my bedtime. I can remember kicking an oil drum in my backyard and the stink it expunged due to stagnant rainwater that had collected inside and I can even relive riding in the very first car my parents ever owned. Another memory I can recall from my childhood is this dream that I am about to share with you because, for as far back as I can remember, it has been there. Sometimes I dreamt it as often as a few times a month and sometimes only a few times a year, but I can always remember it being there. As it would turn out, my dream would go from being  something that I experienced as I slept, into something that I would experience in reality. My dream literally came true, and I wish I could take it back.

           The dream itself was very strange, appearing to not make any sense, more of a series of events lacking any kind of chronological sequence. It seemed to be skipping from one place and event to another and the reality of it all was very distorted which was terrifying. If you are having trouble understanding what I am talking about, here is an easier way to understand it: Have you ever watched a DVD that was scratched and it jumps from one scene to the next? So the movie, of course, would make no sense to you, just as my dream made no sense to me. No plot, no getting to know the characters, just a bunch of scenes that made no chronological sense just seeming to be aimlessly skipping around but it always ended the same, with me looking down at a face, and then I would wake up. Each time I had the dream it would seem a little clearer but I still couldn't make any sense of it and I had no idea who the person was that I was always looking down at. This happened up until I was eighteen. 

           I come from a broken home and had moved out when I was still in high school. By the time I was eighteen, I had left my small home town on the east coast and was living thousands of miles away in the Canadian Rocky Mountains. I was hurting and didn't know how to cope with the painful memories, both recent and past, so I did what most do; I tried to drink and drug them away. One night I was drinking with a group of friends when a guy I knew asked me if I wanted to drop some acid. I had never done it before and didn't want to look like a wuss so I said, "sure!" He had four hits, he took two and I took two. Bad idea.

           I remember when the acid really started to kick in, we were in a field and it was pitch black. I got the impression I was invincible like some sort of super hero, and I turned my shirt into a cape and started running around this field in the middle of the night. I was yelling out, "I feel great! I feel so alive!" and my run turned into a full sprint which then turned into a *WHACK*! I ran, full tilt, into a picnic-table. It didn't hurt much when it happened (I was too high for pain) but the next day I was one huge bruise.

           That first 30-40 minutes of ecstasy I felt at first, however, changed dramatically all in one moment. I can remember looking at this steam coming off of this hotel where I was living, like it always had, but when you are on acid everything seems to grab your attention that much more. As I was looking at this steam I noticed it had stopped, and when I became aware of this I started looking around and I thought the cars on the road had stopped moving too(looking back now I think it was just parked cars). I started panicking, and started thinking the worst thing anyone could ever think when they are on a heavy dose of hallucinogenics: I started to think that I died. I kept saying to myself, "I can't believe I died tripping out on acid" and "How could I go out like this." I was distraught, having a horrible trip and to make matter worse, I was getting higher by the second.

           I can remember doing things like trying to climb shadows thinking they were stairs and running around in the woods. I tried to keep the guy who I took the acid with around me because I thought he was the only person left, like he was some kind of a guardian helping to usher me around in the next life. Yup, acid folks, stay away from it. But things started to get better once we got around some people, I was still tripping hard, but I wavered from the "I think I died" to the "maybe I'm not dead" entering myself into an unsure phase. This however is where things got even more messed up.

           When I finally became as high as I could get, reality it seemed, was skipping in time (sound familiar). It was as if I would close my eyes and be somewhere else. I don't mean that it was like I would close my eyes and I was in Hawaii and then close my eyes again and I was Siberia, rather, what was happening was that I was blacking out, yet I was still conscious, moving around and interacting with various groups of people. Each time I would emerge from one of these "blackouts" I would be confused how I got there and was becoming more scared. I had lost my "usher of the afterlife" (the guy who I took the acid with) and was on my own at this point. Around this time was when I went from thinking that I might be dead, to thinking I was dreaming. 

            This was the point where I began to live the dream I had so many times before, but I didn't realise it at this point in the night. What I have come to conclude, is that the periods of time that I was missing in reality were the periods of time that I dreamt about and the periods of time that were missing in my dream, were the periods of time that I was cognizant for in reality. It is a dangerous thing to think you are dreaming when in reality you are not, and by the grace of God I survived this night. I can remember walking down the hallway of my apartment building having an "Alice in Wonderland" kind of experience. The hallway appeared to be getting smaller, and larger and the doors were all different shapes and sizes. I can remember sitting on my bed and my roommate was rolling joints and I started seeing ashes on my bed. I tried to wipe them off but they kept reappearing. I also tried to start a fight with one of my room mate's friends because I was paranoid that he was smiling at me. I remember lots of things from the night, but what I remember the most was how my acid trip came to an end.

             I was thousands of miles from where I had grown up, but there was a girl from my home town there who I had once taken to the movies. After our date she didn't want more anything to do with me and rightly so. I wasn't popular or overly athletic and she was a beautiful girl who could do a lot better than me. But in this town where we were both living at now, I had been here for a while and was popular and girls did like me. I will never forget as we stood outside my apartment door and I said to her, "I know what you want and you know what I want." She smiled and said playfully asked, "what's that?" as she walked into my apartment. Now understand this, I was NOT good at talking to girls, I'm still not, nor would I ever of had the guts to say this to her, but I was as high as a kite on acid and I thought I was dreaming! This is the only reason why I said what I said, suddenly I was Don Juan. I think it is also important to note that I was also a virgin. 

              Now the whole night had been getting crazier and crazier, between the blackouts, thinking I had died, then to not being sure if I was dead or not, which lead to me thinking I was dreaming even though I still wasn't sure if I dead, I was a mess. After her and I went into my apartment I can remember it for the most part (I will spare you the details) but to make a long story, I wasn't a virgin any more. But it was during intercourse I looked down at her and when I looked down everything just clicked at once, and I realised who she was, and what I was experiencing and what I had experienced the entire night. I started to think (maybe out loud) "This is my dream! This is it!" I realised, this time, I wasn't dreaming and that I was in reality and with this I suddenly found myself snapped into a moment of clarity that I was alive and proud of it. Enthusiastically, and very  naked, I leaped to my feet and began to run around my apartment shouting,"I'm alive! I'm alive!" I woke up my room mate, yelling in his face as he was trying to sleep, "I'm alive!" There was a guy staying on our couch and I remember grabbing him by the face and yelling the same thing. He was so confused and probably a little scared having a 230 pound butt-naked dude, who was high as a kite on acid, screaming at him at four in the morning that he was alive. 

               The next morning I woke up and couldn't remember a thing, not one thing, until I asked the guy on my couch what had happened that he was a witness to. He was clearly upset (rightfully so) and started to tell me some of things I had done. I was embarrassed, but not nearly as embarrassed as when he said, "you should be apologising to that girl." In a flash everything that  I couldn't remember came back, and I don't think I had ever been more ashamed or disgusted with myself. I went down to see her and although we talked  I could only imagine the embarrassment she must of felt.  We hung out a few times after that, but once she left in the summer I only ever saw her once more and I was completely wasted at the time. I should of said I was sorry, but I was too young and too stupid to know what sorry was.  

                This has been a bit of confession time for me, and to be honest with you, it is the deepest I have ever reflected on this night and this experience. I had dreamt about this dozens of times before, from when I was a kid, until I was eighteen, having lived it only once and I never had this dream again. You might be saying to yourself that this some sort of detailed, drawn out, case of deja vu but I assure it was not. This was not some sense of having experienced it before, I DID experience it prior to this night, time and time again. I never recognised her as the person in my dream until it actually happened and now I can't get that image, her face, out of my head no matter how hard I try. Maybe you think it's some product of the brain and while I think my brain was obviously used to relay the message, the fact is I was in an altered state of mind. How could my brain put itself consistently in the future and under the effects of two hits of a strong hallucinogenic? It can't. Period. 

                 It was this experience that opened me up to the idea that there was some sort of plan, or that Something that knew every choice we were ever going to make and was showing me what I was going to do, long before I ever did it. I came to believe in destiny, even becoming a borderline determinist for a while. Through this experience I had come to believe that if this event in my life, which I experienced so many times previously came true, then that meant that all the people who were around me, their circumstances and choices also had to be true and had to happen. Because all their circumstances had to come true like mine had to, then why stop there? The whole world's choices and circumstances also had to happen. But as I thought about it I knew deep  in my heart that every choice I made up until then was of my own free will, even down to the very choice to take the acid. I can remember something in my heart screaming at me not to take it (my heart not my head) but in not wanting to look weak I did it anyway. I came to the conclusion that Whatever showed me what was going to happen in my life, wasn't the cause, It just knew.

                I wasn't searching for God at this point in my life, as a matter of fact I would tell people I didn't believe in Him. I wouldn't of called myself an atheist because I had no idea what an atheist was. I was, however lying, I felt there was a God, I just had a hate-on for Him because of the things that happened to me in my life. 

               This experience really set in motion a series of events that ended in me taking a knee for Jesus and admitting that He was my Lord and Master. It was a dream from my youth that became reality that started my eventual conversion to Christianity, and, strangely enough, it was another dream from my youth that became reality that would convince me that Jesus was exactly who He claimed to be, my Lord and my Saviour, but I'll wait before I get into that story.

In Christ

P.L.